Jump Into The Void

O magnify the Lord… 

I’m moving out of my apartment tomorrow,  but I am not moving into another one. For the next 3 and a half months, I will be sans domicile fixe. I’ve quit my circus school (one day I really will get to writing about my circus school journey), and I’m going to be travelling to a different city every week for the next 6 weeks. I don’t know anyone in most of these cities, and it’s not entirely clear what I’ll be doing – I just know that it will be circus-related. I won’t be working, so I’m hoping my savings will be enough… I am hoping at the end of all this to get into a circus school in Tanzania that I can’t contact, and whose address I don’t even know.

Today I was feeling quite uneasy about this complete uprooting of my life. Lately I’ve been trying to take comfort in the fact that many millennia ago Abraham was also asked to leave everything he knew and just follow God without knowing where he was going. I have that weird feeling in the pit of my stomach, the one I get when an elevator goes down, or when a plane starts to descend, or when I jump really high on a trampoline. I have jumped into the void, and I have no idea how I will land. By this evening, I was feeling nauseous.

And then a song came to mind :

When my heart is overwhelmed, 

Please lead me to the Rock

That’s higher than I 

As I bicycled home, I sang out loud (which is really hard to do by the way – I kept running out of breath). The knot in my stomach was lifted with my voice, and I wanted to sing to and for all the people I passed by on my way. I wanted to let them know that as they walked, ran, stood, jogged, they were not alone. I am jumping into the void, but God is definitely going to catch me at some point. When? No idea. But He will.

 

for He is worthy to be praised.

 

 

 

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