It’s been two months since I posted (or wrote) anything. Which is ironic since this blog began as an exercise in writing discipline.
In my defence, this unplanned hiatus began while I was pouring my heart and soul into a project that eventually went up in flames because, Nigeria. I will write about this separately. But after that happened, I just sort of went into hibernate mode. I’m simply not used to months of preparation and hardwork being extinguished due to someone else’s incompetence/stupidity/carelessness. But again, I will write about this separately. In any case, just as I was on the cusp of recovering from a relatively more than minor disappointment, I realized that there was a lot more that needed fixing inside my head than just adjusting to disappointment.
I like to feel like I have it together, and I don’t like to deal with any alternate possibility. My automatic response to any situation that I can’t handle is: pack up and leave. So that’s just what I did. Let me explain. For me, (I can’t speak for anyone else), writing involves profound introspection, and for a while, I didn’t like what I was seeing when I looked inside. So I stopped looking. I focused instead on handstands, piano and origami, arts that take me outside of myself rather than inside. And it worked. For a time. Until I found myself crying for an entire day at school for reasons that I could not identify. That’s when I decided (or was inspired?) to get help. And the help worked.
So, now, looking inward is no longer a scary prospect. And I can write again.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.